We watch, understand and enjoy each other’s TV shows (programmes) whether it’s Downton Abbey or CSI but are British or American English the same language? I’m a mother but over here in the States (America) my kids read books calling me a Mom whereas in UK I’m a Mum (or not). Writing posts on UK kids topics I try to use American English spellings, words and phrases but I’m often flummoxed (is that either or both British English and American English for bewildered?) Also English vocabulary can vary depending on region and class.

Oscar Wilde  wrote in The Canterville Ghost: “we have really everything in common with America nowadays except, of course, the language.”

I shall forthwith write a personal tale of my recent life. It’s also a tale of British vs American English. After each paragraph written in British English, I’ll follow with an American English translation. I’ll also include some British slang. The paragraphs in italics are the American guide to English translations.

A personal tale in two languages

British fortnight

Where do I begin? First of all, I’m so completely knackered I dream about an afternoon kip or just having one lie-in. This time a fortnight ago, I was in the south of America staying at my Mum’s flat in Savannah. I had been quite busy helping her organise her maisonette as she had just moved there from London. We were going to drive back up north on the Monday but our plans were scuppered when we were told that we’d be barmy to drive on a bank holiday. On a positive note it gave me an extra day to have a good chin wag with my mum – who doesn’t look or act like an OAP. She also has a puppy so my two cheeky monkeys were delighted to scamper around with him. My husband is a major boffin so it was a perfect excuse for him to slog away at his computer for another day – or maybe he was tired of hearing us both yakking away?

American two weeks

Where do I begin? First of all, I’m so utterly exhausted I dream about an afternoon nap or staying in bed late one morning. This time two weeks ago, I was in the South staying at my Mom’s apartment in Savannah. I had been quite busy helping her organize her duplex apartment as she had just moved there from London. We were going to drive back up North on the Monday but our plans were put an end to when we were told that we’d be crazy to drive on a federal holiday. On a positive note it gave me an extra day to have a good chat with my mom – who doesn’t look or act like a Senior Citizen. She also has a puppy so my two little rascals were delighted to run around playfully with him. My husband is a technological whiz so it was a perfect excuse for him to work hard and steadily at his computer for another day – or maybe he was tired of hearing us both chattering away.

British bonnet

Since my mum has a secure space in her block’s underground car park, we pre-packed our small 4×4 on Monday afternoon.  In no time the boot was filled to the rafters. My husband had to move the kids’ rucksacks so that he would be able to see through a tiny bit of the back windscreen when he was driving. As I kept bringing more stuff down the lift to load into the car I’m afraid my other half at first joked that I was going to start tying cases to the bonnet but then became rather bolshie. Luckily the kids weren’t trying to muck in as they were happy watching the telly upstairs after having an ice lolly for a treat.

American hood

Since my Mom has a secure space in her apartment building’s underground parking garage, we pre-packed our small SUV on Monday afternoon.  In no time the trunk was completely full. My husband had to move the kids’ backpacks so that he would be able to see through a tiny bit of the back windshield when he was driving. As I kept bringing more stuff down the elevator to load into the car I regret to say my partner at first joked that I was going to start tying cases to the hood but then became rather annoyed and uncooperative. Luckily the kids weren’t trying to pitch in and help as they were happy watching the TV upstairs after having a popsicle for a treat.

British motorists

The first part of our journey back home was a bit of a doddle as there wasn’t much traffic on the dual carriageway. But the second half was a bit of a nightmare. I’m still quite gobsmacked that sometimes the petrol stations are located in the central reservation area so you have to exit and reenter via a short slip road off the fast lane. Mind you most of the drivers would be nicked in the UK for the offence of “driving without due care and attention” as they were always too close to the cars in front of them or overtaking from an inside lane. Quite frankly I was driven bonkers by some of these prats and started writing down some of their number plates. As far I was concerned some of them needed a stay at Her Majesty’s Pleasure.

American drivers

The first part of our journey back home was quite easy as there wasn’t much traffic on the divided highway. But the second half was a bit of a nightmare. I’m still quite astonished that sometimes the gas stations are located in the median strip so you have to exit and reenter via an access road off the fast lane. Mind you most of the drivers would be arrested in the UK for the offense of “driving without due care and attention” as they were always tailgating or overtaking from an outer lane. Quite frankly I was going nuts by some of these jerks and started writing down some of their license plates. As far I was concerned some of them needed to be sent to prison.

British TALE

After eighteen hours of driving over two days we arrived at our new house.  It’s a lovely detached cottage on a quiet cul-de-sac in the village. The kids’ bedrooms are upstairs on the first floor. The master bedroom has an en-suite and dressing-room and is on the ground floor. Quite a change from our previous bungalow by the beach. After hours of unpacking instead of flaking out in front of the goggle-box, I nipped over to the local high street before the off-licence closed! And instead of a filling bangers and mash for tea, I made the kids each a sarnie. They happily scoffed them down. For afters they just had a glass of milk and some biscuits left over from the trip. After they had a bath, we tucked them in their new beds – my daughter has a double and my son a single – lined with their favourite stuffed animals. I felt bad ticking my son off for being a bit stroppy – poor wee lad had been in the car for days and then in a house filled with boxes – but he was delighted when I gave him a new torch which he likes to keep on his bedside.  It took yonks before they fell asleep but finally I could open my bottle of wine and relax…

American story

After eighteen hours of driving over two days we arrived at our new house.  It’s a lovely small single-family home on a quiet dead end street in the small town. The kids’ bedrooms are upstairs on the second floor. The master bedroom has its own private bathroom and a walk-in closet and is on the first floor. Quite a change from our previous ranch house by the beach. After hours of unpacking instead of collapsing in exhaustion in front of the television, I hurried over to the local main street before the liquor store closed! And instead of a filling sausages and mashed potatoes for dinner, I made the kids each a sandwich. They ate them quickly and eagerly. For dessert they just had a glass of milk and some cookies left over from the trip. After they took a bath, we tucked them in their new beds – my daughter has a full size and my son a twin – lined with their favorite plush animals. I felt bad telling my son off for being a bit bad tempered – poor little boy had been in the car for days and then in a house filled with boxes but he was delighted when I gave him a new flashlight. It took a very long time before they fell asleep but finally I could open my bottle of wine and relax…

British chips

I spent the next couple of days unpacking and shopping for food. It was also my daughter’s turn to throw a wobbly after she scraped her knee and I couldn’t find a plaster. I did remember, though, to buy some when I went to the chemist the next day. On Sunday I made them porridge for breakfast, gave them fairy cakes for elevenses, fish fingers, chips and stem broccoli for lunch but ordered a takeaway for dinner. I’ve promised to start making Sunday roasts again…soon. I also trimmed my daughter’s hair which she likes to keep long and wear in a plait and finally cut my son’s fringe.

American fries

I spent the next couple of days unpacking and shopping for food. It was also my daughter’s turn to have a temper tantrum after she scraped her knee and I couldn’t find a Band-Aid. I did remember, though, to buy some when I went to the drugstore the next day. On Sunday I made them oatmeal for breakfast, gave them little cupcakes as a morning snack, fish sticks, French fries and tender stem broccoli for lunch but ordered a takeout for dinner. I’ve promised to start making traditional British Sunday lunches with roast meat, potatoes and vegetables again…soon. I also trimmed my daughter’s hair which she likes to keep long and wear in a braid and finally cut my son’s bangs.

British primary

Last Monday was my kids’ first day back at school. They’re now in Year One at the local primary school (they’re twins). They had been in Reception in the same school so they were happy to see their friends after a summer away. They’re pretty used to school as they also had spent two years in Nursery and Kindergarten in a London independent pre-prep school. We ran along the pavement, greeted the lollipop lady and hurried across the Zebra crossing so that they wouldn’t be late for morning assembly and the welcoming speech by the Headteacher. I left in tears. That is…tears of joy that they were happy at their school and I was happy to have some peace back at home.

American elementary

Last Monday was my kids’ first day back at school. They’re now in First Grade at the public elementary school in our district (they’re twins). They had been in Kindergarten in the same school so they were happy to see their friends after a summer away. They’re pretty used to school as they also had spent two years in pre-school and Kindergarten in a London private school for 4 to 7 year olds. We ran along the sidewalk, greeted the school crossing guard and hurried over the crosswalk so that they wouldn’t be late for morning assembly and the welcoming speech by the Principal. I left in tears. That is…tears of joy that they were happy at their school and I was happy to have some peace back at home.

End of a personal tale in American and British English versions

As I’m a dual national, I sometimes feel all at sea and get British or American English mixed up. Maybe I need to learn English from the start again! If you spot any mistakes in my British and American versions let me know.

When I was a freshman (first year student) at a US college (university), fresh off the boat from a British public (private) school, I’ll never forget the reaction from a group of students in my dormitory (residence hall) when I asked the simple question: “Do you have a rubber I could borrow?” Of course, rubber has a different meaning in British English from American English!

Have you ever misunderstood someone when they’ve said it in British or American English?